Day 30 and a new iPod!?

Today marks the 30th day in a row that I have worked without a day off! Only 3 more days to go...the end is finally in sight!!!!!!!!

And after all this hard work, I think a present is in order. Perfect timing: Apple is rumored to be releasing a new iPod next week! I can't wait!

After that, the rest of the year is going to be all about saving money. ...but for good reason...

A student again...

As of tomorrow, I'm officially a student again!

I'm not part of a degree program, but I am taking two undergraduate classes for fun and to keep my mind fresh (Japanese and American Sign Language).

I'm such a nerd...

Next stop: second master's degree and a phd!

My Celebrity Lookalike

Apparently, I have a B-list celebrity lookalike. His name is Shia LaBeouf and he was in the movie Transformers.

He also apparently shops at the Gap, cause I have the exact same shirt, and used to date Alexis Bledel from Gilmore Girls.

Maybe if I had a funny French name, I too could one day date a Gilmore girl. Sigh...French people have all the luck...

Three things I'm feeling today...

1) On the cusp. I'm an introvert and have always sort of marched to the beat of my own metaphorical drummer. I really value my alone time and because of that, or maybe for no reason at all, I've always felt somewhat on the cusp of a lot of things and groups. I'm totally okay with this, as I have a great group of friends and I really like who I am, which is all that really matters. But every August/September, I always feel a little bit down...

In the college setting, August and September are all about community building and the forming of groups and friendships. Staffs come together and form teams. First year students meet for the first time and become roommates and lasting friends. Upperclassmen return from their summer breaks excited to reunite with their old friends and to make new ones.

But as a staff member, I'm someone left out of this; again on the cusp. The young part in me wishes he could join in. But the professional part of me understands that this is not my role. Regardless, being a young professional has its challenging times, and each August/September, I always feel a little bit down. Sigh...

2) Sick and tired: literally. It's now been 24 LONG days since my last day off and I have reached new levels of tiredness. And just for fun, my allergies are more out of control than me at an all you can eat dessert buffet. Basically, my days are a medley of yawns, sneezes, and brief moments of sleep in random places. It's not a pretty picture...

3) Defeated. I'm normally such a resilient person. I've been working really hard on something for most of this year that's very important to me. Along every step of the way, I've been met with rejections, sobering realities, and additional obstacles. And each time, I've regrouped, pasted a smile on my face, and tried something new. Until tonight, when I just discovered yet another setback....

Because of the combination of being so tired, not feeling well, and all of the obstacles I've already dealt with, I'm feeling pretty defeated. I'm not sure if I should just give up on it; if all of these obstacles are signs that this is just not meant to be. How do you know when to give up and just throw in the towel on a dream?

Sigh...this is a pretty depressing blog. But, they can't all be cheery, and it's just how I feel today.

Older and Wiser: Life Lessons by Chris

I'm no stranger to the idea of privilege: I've studied it, presented it, and really internalized the concept. Usually, when I think about privilege though, I think about it in terms of qualities such as race, ethnicity, gender, class, sexual orientation, education, and religion. (ie, what privileges, good and bad, does being a middle class white man in America afford me?)

But for some reason, lately I've been really fixated on the idea of aestetic privilege. It's not that I haven't always known that being attractive comes with its perks. In fact, just writing this, I could easily rattle off at least a dozen privileges that attractive and in shape people experience that others do not.

Now, I have a really healthy and realistic body image and am generally quite happy with the way I look, so don't misunderstand. But lately, I've been really curious about what my life would be like if I were physically different. How would I be different now if I grew up to be tall and strong and Brad Pitt-esque? How has my appearance shaped who I am today? How would my personality differ if I didn't have to work to get a date? If I had a more main-stream look? If clothes fit me better? etc...

I'd like to think that I'd still be the same person, and I guess there's really no way to ever find out. But, this is just something I've been thinking about lately...

Also, I've learned three very valuable life lessons this week:

1) If your day starts off chasing after someone, it's probably not going to be a good day.
2) Only you can choose your attitude (somewhat in contradiction to life lesson #1, and also stolen from the Fish! Philosophy)
3) The more you do, the more you can do. This seems so simple and obvious. It's basically just a twist on the ideas of practice and conditioning. But until recently, I never really realized its applicability to life in general.

IT'S ALMOST SEPTEMBER!!!! ONLY 11 MORE DAYS UNTIL I FINALLY GET A DAY OFF!!!

Today

Today I feel:

[X] delerious from lack of sleep
[X] totally in love with my staff (aka my small army)
[ ] energetic
[X] lonely
[X] liked
[X] addicted to coffee
[ ] in love with my job
[X] awkward
[X] excited for Top Chef in 33 minutes!
[X] that big changes may be coming soon

This morning, I received an email telling me that Yahoo! Photos was closing, so I had to move all of my digital photos to Flickr. As I sat there and looked at all of the photos I took of all of my old friends and from my many travels, I suddenly felt nostalgic for the adventuresome person I once was. The person that would randomly buy plane tickets to developing countries. The person that had such clear life and career ambitions. The person that dated and lived in the present and didn't go home after a 14 hour day and only to do more work at home...

Now, chained to a desk and a cell phone, this person seems only a distant memory; buried deep under piles of paperwork and orientation schedules. The constant dual between my ambition and my desire for happiness never ending... Not knowing which path to choose. Could I ever be happy not being a super hero?

Beyond exhausted!

It's been 15 days straight since I've had a day off...

I have at least 18 more days to go...

Each day: at least 12 hours...

Sigh...

SOMEBODY GET ME SOME COFFEE!!