The loniest year

It's about 1:30 am. It's a windy night, and the pitter patter of rain drops hitting my windows should be easing me into a gentle sleep. But instead, I'm staring out the windows gazing at the tree limbs as they sway back and forth in the breeze, totally preoccupied with today's date.

June 4; a date that used to mean so little. It was a day before my sister's birthday, three days before my parents' anniversary, and a week or two before Father's day. Nothing too important.

But last year, this date took on a meaning of its own, as exactly one year ago today, I said goodbye to my friends, job, and life in Las Vegas, and boarded a plane bound for Japan, the unknown, and the unexpected.

I remember it all so vividly. The days and weeks leading up to it. The packing. The goodbyes. The unsuccessful efforts not to cry.

In fact, at this exact time last year, I was just getting home from my farewell dinner with my closest friends out on the Strip. It was my last night in Vegas. My last night with a safety net. And my last night in America for who knows how long.

And in only a few short hours, I had said my last (and most difficult) goodbye and was sitting on an airborne plane with my fingers pressed against the window as I looked through tear filled eyes down at a shrinking Las Vegas skyline for one last time.

It was a day filled with so much sadness. But for all the sadness; for all the sacrifice, I knew in my heart that going to Japan was a dream worth following and that goodbyes are only as permanent as I make them.

After all, a life full of adventure awaited me.

Flash forward one year, two jobs, and a whole lot of frequent flier miles later, and here I am in Worcester, Massachusetts and living a life that I hardly recognize.

Since I haven't posted any blogs in quite a while, here are some of the items of interest from the past five months:

- Briefly dated a stalker.
- Temporarily co-adopted a devil cat that bit me while I slept.
- Learned how to make sangria in my Brita pitcher.
- Adopted the most wonderful dog ever.
- Had to give my dog away because she was too loud L
- Did a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle.
- Discovered that Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List is my new favorite show.
- Got a new high score on Text Twist.

And that's it in a nut shell. Exciting, huh?

Don't get me wrong, things could be so much worse. And I realize the triviality and insignificance of my woes in the big picture. In fact, as I write this, a friend is grieving the loss of a parent, another is dealing with the loss of her long-time partner, and there is war, famine, poverty, illness, celebrities being photographed by paparazzi while not wearing underwear, and other "real" problems happening all around me.

Still, the bottom line is that I am just not that happy here. I don't love my job, yet all I do is work. I really don't love the place where I live. My love life is non-existent. And my social circle, while great, consists primarily of two people, really making it more of a triangle than a circle, and definitely making it lame.

Now, it's not that I'm not trying. And it's not that I don't have a plan and lots of hope. There are just lots of obstacles to overcome here. And I realistically don't think that I will ever be very happy here in Worcester.

But staying for another year is part of the plan, so I'll make the best of it.

I think this anniversary is just leaving me in a very reflective mood. And I'm feeling so many things, ranging from disappointment that my "life full of adventure" has turned out to be THIS, to examining the choices that brought me here, to a determination to make things better.

But mostly, this day just makes me remember how much I miss my friends and my life back then and how important it is to appreciate the good things in life while you have them. Beauty is indeed fleeting.

At any rate, I'm headed to Japan for a much needed vacation and to visit some friends on Wednesday. I'm really looking forward to it, though I'm sure it will be a somewhat emotion filled trip as I return to the place I once lived and made so many wonderful memories.

Here's hoping that Monday and Tuesday fly by.