Going home?

I've been living in Japan for almost exactly 5 months now, and by the time my last day at my current job rolls around, I will have been here for 7 months. I love living in Japan, learning Japanese and Japanese culture, and if it were up to me, I would stay here for a really long time.

However, searching for jobs here so far has been a miserable failure. Between bad interviews, rejections, tons of competition, and a real lack of quality jobs, my prospects at this point are minimal at best. I even got a rejection letter on Thursday for a job which was essentially teaching little kids English through songs and games, citing that "my qualifications are not adequate for the position." 1) How am I not qualified to do the Hokie Pokie? Is my singing voice not good enough? Do I not "shake it all about" the right way? 2) I have a freakin' master's degree for goodness sake! and 3) I do the same thing now! How am I not qualified to continue doing what I already do?

I'm a little bitter and discouraged about this if you can't tell, but the point is simply that it is difficult and doesn't look good. Making matters worse is that even if I am able to find a new job, moving into an apartment in Japan is incredibly complicated and can cost fees upwards of 4,000 dollars or more, and is non-refundable. With nothing but bad jobs in sight and a cost that high simply to move into a one room apartment, I began to wonder if it is even worth it.

As I sat pondering this and thumbing through job ads, another question popped into my mind: do I even like teaching English? Honestly, I'm not sure. I know I like teaching, but I am not sure that I enjoy teaching a language, and I am 100% sure that I don't find it at all fulfilling or meaningful. I know that I am helping my students to travel, get better jobs, get raises, etc... through their language skills, but the fact that my job makes me feel as if I am selling myself far overshadows that.

So, where does that leave me? What do I do with only 2 months before I find myself homeless and unemployed in Japan?

Well, first, I remembered that I will never find myself homeless and that I don't need to worry and stress because I have friends that I know I can count on to help me, even here, if I really need it. Next, I made a giant spreadsheet (yes, I know I am a dork) with every potential option from living off my savings in Bali for a few months, to sleeping on friends' couches, to asking my boss to un-quit, to doing a job-search and going home. After several hours of carefully examing all of these options, I came to the conclusion that I simply don't know what to do.

I want to stay in Japan, and considering what a journey it was to get here, it seems to be a better value to stay longer. But, I also am not willing to work at a crappy job and pay $4,000 dollars to get an apartment just to be able to stay here for another 6 months. The thought of leaving and going home makes me sad, as I don't feel ready to leave here and end this experience yet. However, there comes a point when it just stops being worth it. I've already paid thousands of dollars in airfare, shipping, and other expenses, have allowed my personal relationships to suffer, and have spent the past 5 months at a job I wanted to quit from week 1.

There's only so many sacrifices I am willing to make for this experience.

So, here's the big decision: I am going to continue to search and apply for quality jobs here in Japan. But, I have also begun a full-scale job search for positions in Res. Life and Int'l. Programs in America, Canada, and Australia. Simply put, I will accept the first quality job offer for a January or February start that I get. And if that means going home, then I will go home. I won't feel like a failure or that I couldn't make it here, because the fact isn't that I can't make it. It's that I can make it, but might chose not to. Besides, living for 7 months in a foreign country isn't anything to scoff at. I'm really proud of myself for having made it out here; this is definately among my biggest accomplishments.

So, wish me luck. I figure that if I am actively applying to jobs on three continents, something's gotta turn up eventually haha.